ATTENTION: READ BEFORE PROCEEDING!

Tips, Tricks, Advice, Guides, Wisdom, Youngster Angst...Call it what you will. I just want to put this out there, 'cause I'm really tired of all the BS these days. This will be my rant/advice to you. If you're lookin' to be my friend, I highly suggest reading this first. You may find that you have no problem with any of it, or you may find that it's much too difficult for you to be friends with me. Either way...it's a good start.
1) First: Don't talk about me. Period. That's the safest thing to do. I don't mean like, don't tell somebody that I'm doing well if they ask. You all know what I'm getting at. Don't take it upon yourselves to release unauthorized information about my personal life to anybody. If I want my shit known, I'll tell it myself.*Also, if you haven't heard it from me, you don't know shit about me. If you don't know shit about me, why would you make yourself look like a fool and spread what you don't know?
2) I'm not a moron. I know when people are lying to me. I seem to have this uncanny ability to see through people and their stupid facades. I can read people decently well. (Why I continue to put my trust in people who are untrustworthy has nothing to do with my ability or inability to read people. It has everything to do with the fact that I believe people can change and I love to give second chances...oh...and I like as little conflict as possible. People tend to take advantage of that.)
3) If you're constantly running your mouth and trash-talking other people around me, don't be surprised when I don't trust you. Don't be surprised when I get sick of you doing it behind my back. When I can see how two-faced you are, do you really think I'm going to be stupid enough to believe you when you deny saying stuff about me when it's already gotten back to me that you did?
4) If you're going to try to lie to me in a convincing fashion, you better make sure everything you say adds up. Tip: Don't contradict yourself. It makes it obvious that you're lying to me. Don't tell me one minute that you didn't do something and then the next try to turn the tables and get pissed at me because what you did was really because you care. (So, with that, you're essentially giving yourself away. You just said you didn't do something, and then despite your sneaky way of trying to turn it on me, you still ended up admitting that you did.)
5) When trying to convince somebody of your maturity during an argument, it's wise not to throw in something completely unrelated...that also happens to be stupid. A great example of this would be:"fuck off sweetheart....yeah your right i am a little girl....i dont look 6 months pregnant.."That's pretty much going to sabotage any progress you made in convincing the other person that you're a grown-up. (The bad grammar/misuse of "your" doesn't really help your case, either.) I am probably going to laugh if you say this to me. Especially if you're short, fat, and squaty; no ass and no body...AND you have bad acne, horrible B.O. that stays on your razor after you shave your underarms, you look like you don't brush your teeth, and your hair looks like a greasy, stringy mess that only suits a bum. (Hey, I'm just saying!)
6) Also, try to bear in mind, that I whole-heartedly condone bitching about me to your mama. I mean, who doesn't, even if they're wrong? But if you feel you must go as far as having your mommy call me up to straighten your shit out for you, you AND your mom are just wasting the time of everyone involved. Loser.
7) I don't generally go low and immature enough to bring up stuff I know about you but have kept secret. I really don't. But, there may be a time that I decide that some of your past escapades may be affecting you. If that's so, I will probably be genuinely worried and may decide that your parental units need to know some of these things. Especially if they're stupid enough to believe you when you've not really done anything very trustworthy. (Well, maybe they just don't care and are just dumb enough to hop on your wagon no matter what.)
8) Just because you're jealous of somebody, you really shouldn't make up bad things about them and then bitch with other people about it so much that you actually start believing it. That's HIGHLY unhealthy. Especially when you are actually fucked up in the head (probably through no real fault of your own).
9) I don't have time to play games with people who pretend they aren't playing games.


Okay...I think that's all for now. This entry is subject to updates, but don't worry! I'll post a bulletin so none of you miss out on anything. Wouldn't want you to slip up. I know all this must be very hard, but with a little work, it may almost seem like common sense. Oh wait! It IS common freaking sense!!!